Thursday, May 13, 2010

We have our baby girl #2

I'm so sorry i haven't posted earlier, but it has been an extremely rough transition. We received Evie (yes we changed her name, she just wasn't a June. Now it's Evie June)on Sunday at 5:00 she was smelly and very poopy. We found out that she had been picked up directly from her foster families house and drove 2 hours to us. Needless to say we had quite and upset little girl. She was quite attached to her foster mother so she has no desire for me to be around her. It's been very hard the past few days. So difficult in fact that I called our agency to talk to them about if we had made a horrible mistake in doing this adoption. Evie cried almost non-stop (unless Shane was able to hold her) for 3 days. Not just a little sweet cry but a full on howler monkey scream. It was enough to make anyone want  to jump out a window. She doesn't like me to touch her, let alone hold her. We are making ant size progress each day, which is good. Today we've had alittle more progress. She actually touched me on her own and when I pointed to her and said Evie, then pointed to myself and said Mommy then I pointed to my lips and said kiss and she kissed me on her own. Which is a big step. 
Shane and I were also quite surprised to see how small she is. She is behind developmentally. She is more like an 11 month old in almost every way. She weighs 16 lbs and is sooo tiny ( We put 6-12 month pants on her today and they fell right off). She is walking but does not know how to crawl or move around when you lay her on her back. She doesn't have much language either. She can say 3 words (mama, baba and ayi..auntie in Chinese) She is already getting more language and skills down. She points to Jaili and says Jei Jei (big sister in Chinese) and is babbling more and more.
We still have a very cranky baby when daddy gets more than 5 ft away, which honestly can weigh on your nerves alot.
Evie is very sweet and adorable though. My feelings of attachement for her are growing everyday. I'm just waiting for her to come to me. Trying to win her over one ant step at a time. I fed her part of a ding dong yesterday so she would associate mommy with sweet things.  I've been the only one to feed her, while Shane holds her so she can see that I provide the essentials for her. Everyday we see a little more comfort with us and not as much of a  scared little kitten. (thanks Tonya for the analogy). I will post more later. Keep Evie and the rest of our family in your prayers.
oh and Jaili girl has been absolutely amazing in all of this. So helpful and considerate. It's hard on her also but she keeps trying to make more and more steps with baby sister also. Evie actually really likes Jaili. It bothers Jaili though that Evie has problems with me as of yet. I let her know that Evie is scared right now but she will come around. 


Harp Mama said...

Congratulations on uniting your family! I really appreciate that you are sharing your trials and tribulations as you go through this process. It will help many people down the line in addition to yourself. I am reading the fantastic book Toddler Adoption right now and it has helped me not only to see that what you are experiencing is common but also ways over time to know not only how to help our families but also what to expect over time. Also, your fears that it won't be okay are very real and fresh and normal. All of us who adopt toddlers are in for many challenges and many rewards. Good luck and keep going. None of this is likely to be what we all expect and dream of but the richness of life will surprise us in the tiniest of moments.

Oh, and sometimes kids who are grieving regress in speech, toileting, motor skills etc. What you are seeing now may be very different than what she is capable of when not in despair. Of course it may also truly reflect her skills due to orphanage and foster care. She will grow and develop through your nurturing and opportunities for assistance that you provide and seek out for her. I hope
you can get the book when you get back if you haven't
already read it. We will receive our toddler in July and I so appreciate your openness.

Congrats Mama and Baba and Jaili!

Holly said...

We are praying for all of you, just give every moment to Him and He will give you the strength, peace, and guidance that you need. She needs you, she just doesn't know it yet.

Liz said...

I am so relieved to finally see an update. I have been looking every day. It sounds like you are making some good progress.I have prayed for you all.

Anonymous said...

You probably won't even see this :-), but I am crying as I read this so glad that things are getting a tiny bit better. (I saw your post on RQ the other day). I love the name Evie. I will keep thinking and praying for all 4 of you.
Andrea (howo10 Holt board)

Anonymous said...

Your sweet family is in my prayers! God will continue to do His work, Angel.

Much love to you all. Audra

"T" said...

You sound a heck of a lot better today and each day will be better. I am so glad she likes her big sister and oh my gosh she let you touch her. You'll be petting her in no time:)

Eric and Kristine Reed said...

Praying for you guys! I wrote a super long comment before, but thought I'd shorten it. Things will come around! I think once she sees you more with Jaili and how comfortable she is around you and how loving you are to her she'll know you are safe too. As you said, she is mourning the loss of her foster mom right now, which is understandable. Praise God for your little girl Jaili and Shane that right now He's allowing Evie to bond with them.

Oh and our girls will have a name in common. We plan on calling our girl Jennavieve...and Evie is one of her nicknames. :)

We look forward to visiting with you, but are definitely praying for this transition and bonding time! God will work things out! Just keep trying Angel, you never know when that moment will come when she'll run into your arms and call you mama. :)

Kristine Reed

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry Evie is having such a hard time but the up side is she has attached once and she will again this time to you. My daughter was in foster care too and would let me hold her but cried hard everytime Joe had to hold her which was when I showered or had alone time in the bathroom. Avari turned the corner after 3 days. It will get better and she will seek you out. Avari was small too around 15 and half lbs at almost 14 months and she wasn't walking. looking forward to more posts.


Melissa said...

Hey you two! Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. Evie will come around. Just some words of encouragement, Leesy was really attached to Jess the first little while, but once Leesy and I found our time to 'bond' that was it and she's been a mamma's girl since. We went shopping, what girl could resist that? ;) Anyway, even though Evie's little, she has to go through the grieving process, but she'll get there. I'm really glad to see that she's making small steps towards progress with you. I know it's frustrating, but she'll adjust.

You'll be in our thoughts and prayers and we hope for a safe journey.


Anonymous said...


We are a fellow Holt family, and I just wanted to share my sympathy.
When our daughter was first with us (adopted at 9months and taken directly from her foster mother), she was extremely angry, and I could have written this exact post. Daddy was ok, but I elicited screaming. Actually, she screamed for 5 days straight to the point that other families in our group were politely asking if we were feeding her. Then, it got better. That was it. She attached and never looked back.
We had some minor sleeping issues when she got home, but she was done greiving. In retrospect, it was worth it. At the time, we required a lot of humor to get through it.
I hope things are getting better!
Hugs, Sheri

Noah, Isabel, Emma and Jake said...

Oh Angel I hope things keep getting better and she gets closer to you. I love her new name :) Well I'm excited to see some of your pics.


Mary said...

I hope things continue to improve...even if they are baby steps! Can't wait to see the family of four!

Anonymous said...

Hi Angel,

Many congrats on the adoption of baby Evie June...I've just looked back at her referral and update photos, she's such a beauty (like her jie jie)! Jaili sounds like an amazing big sister, as you knew she'd be, what a little star.

I am so so sorry to hear that Evie's had a rough transition, there is much more I want to say but unfortunately I can't right now as my little Evie is waking from her nap. I'll have a look later and see if I can email you direct through your blog, I am thinking of you and hope that things have got better day by day since this post.

For now, many heartfelt hugs and wishes from the UK,
Wai Ling
(we met in Beijing, what a strange coincidence our Evie's birthday is also the same day as our family anniv. with big sis!)

jamiq said...

Have faith, Mom. You will love each other. Remember, mothers have the capacity to expand their "ability to love" to include many. You can do it.
Ranae & I are praying.