Saturday, April 10, 2010

Happy Day we have travel dates!

So we got our confirmation yesterday for our travel dates. We will be leaving on May 3rd and returning on the 23rd. Happy Day!!!! We are going to Beijing early to do the touristy stuff again (Great wall, temple of heaven, tiannamen square,etc) and then we extended our trip by 2 days to stay in Hong Kong and go to Ocean Park. I may regret this one...but oh well. We were thinking since we have to fly out of Hong Kong anyway why not do a special treat for Jaili bird and take her there?
We have our tickets purchased and are getting ready to go!!! We will fly in to Nanchang on the 9th at 2:00pm, check into our hotel and then get June by 4:00! Happy Mother's Day to me!
 I've been praying alot for June and her grieving process. I anticipate a very sad baby and my heart breaks for her already. Her little world is going to be turned upside down. Even though she can't comprehend it at this age I'm praying that God gives her peace and knowledge that we love her so much and are her parents. I'm definately stressed about how it's all going to go.  I'm so excited to be getting her and having our family together FINALLY! But  I  also feel so conflicted because she doesn't know that we are her forever parents. All she knows is that she is being taken away from her foster parents, the only people that she knows and loves. I pray that this does not stay with her, a fear of abandonment ,of being removed, for the rest of her life. I feel so grateful for this older couple that have been like grandparents to her. They have loved her and taken care of her but I also feel a loss. Loss and jealousy, that we haven't been the ones to love her since day one, that some one else has had that opportunity. I felt similarly with Jaili, of course we want to be with our children from the moment they were created, the foster family just adds a different dimension to it. Again, I'm  so thankful for them, it's just...different.
On a different note, I did have a dream about June last night. We were in the hotel and she was wearing the cutest little skirt and playing in the hotel room. She was laughing and so very happy and beautiful! I woke up feeling very warm and fuzzy after that dream.
I know in time we will all adjust and everything will be how it's supposed to be. I just pray that Shane and I are able to give June (and Jaili) everything that we can. To help them to feel confident and complete. I just always want both of them to know how much they mean to us. Nothing compares to the love that you have for your children. As I told Shane when we first got Jaili. Shane has my heart, but Jaili ( and now June) are my heart. It does help me to understand the love that Christ has for us. I still cannot fathom it but at least I have a glimpse now.

I also have a funny Jailiism. We were at church on easter and when Jaili came out of Jesus school, as she call it, she asks us "Why did God's skin fall off?" Shane and I  look at her completely confused and ask "What?" Jaili then says " Yea, today in Jesus school we learned that God died on a cross and then his skin fell off." Neither one of us had any idea what she was talking about at first. Then I started thinking of the wording in the crucifiction and resurrection and remembered it being described that Jesus left the flesh. So I asked her if that is what she meant. " She said "yea, his skin fell off." Both Shane and I started laughing and then tried explaining to her what it meant. That is a very hard concept to explain to a 4 year old. I'm shortning this story quite a bit, the entire conversation lasted probably about 15 min. Most of it consisting of Jaili insisting that God's skin fell off and Shane and I just looking really confused. Anywho, it cracked me up. I have never thought of the wording that way...Oh to have the mind of a very curious and very literal and smart 4 year old.

Tuesday, April 06, 2010


We were on the early end of something! I was happily surprised to get an email from Holt yesterday that said we have our travel approval! I was working all day yesterday and I kept checking my phone about every 30 min to see if we had an email. I knew travel approvals were coming in because between clients I was also stalking the rumor queen forum and I was REALLY hoping that ours would be in the bunch of travel approvals. At about 3:30 I gave up and decided that ours was probably not going to come this time around. I put my phone down and ignored it. At about 5:00 I noticed that my phone was blinking that I had a message and THERE IT WAS!!! We are beyond excited and now am realizing how many things I still need to do. We are hoping to get our travel dates by the end of this week and then we can buy the plane tickets. I'm still in amazement that we are actually getting our mama Junebug Jones. WOW!!!! The whole family cannot wait to meet our little one. By the time we get her it will be 8 months of staring at her picture and now she will be ours! I'll keep everyone posted as soon as we get travel dates.

Sunday, April 04, 2010

Late in posting but we got our Article 5

So I'm late in posting this( I have a love/hate relationship with my computer)but we got our article 5 on 3/18/10!! So that means, per Holt, that we should be getting travel approval in 3-4 weeks from the 18th. So hopefully either this week or next!! Although I'm going to try and not get to excited about that, considering we've been on the long end of almost every step of the process. I'm praying that we are able to travel the first week of May to get our girl. I haven't scheduled any clients after that until June 21st (I figured that is when I'd go back to work, 2 days a week)SO if we don't go then EEKKK, no clients, no money and BORED!!!
I'm FINALLY feeling the connection with our June. I have been concerned because June's adoption journey has been so different than Jaili's. I KNEW Jaili before we even got her referral. I knew after she was born (told my husband 3 days after Jaili was born, we were laying in bed and I looked over at him and said "Our daughter's been born, I can feel her"), I knew what her SN was going to be before we got her referral, I had dreams about her, I knew what she looked like...I was deeply connected to her. The only way I can explain it is that God allowed me to know her before she was actually ours. June's hasn't been the same way and that has worried me. Maybe I wasn't a good enough mother for her because I haven't "felt" her the same way. There have been little things along the way with her. I was certain that our next daughter was going to have albinism. I had a very strong urge in August, 2 weeks after we sent in our SN list, to research albinism and add it immediatly to our list. I asked my husband how he felt and he said "I already thought it was on our list". I get feelings about her personality and the closer we get the more and more connected I feel to her. My heart crys for our missing daughter now, I'm ready for her and I just want her home.
When I told my husband how I was feeling about not being "connected" he was wonderful. He just looked at my and said " I never had any of those things with Jaili before we got her that you did and am I any less connected to her now than you?" Which , of course, he isn't! Jaili adores her daddy, as he does her. Jaili is truly the light of Shane (and my ) life. Then Shane told me, "The same things that you felt with Jaili, I feel with June, I've dreamed about her, I know which name is going to fit her (Shane did pick June's name, I picked Jaili's), I feel like God has let me know June". I'm truly in awe of how God works. It wasn't up to me nor was it about me to know our daughter. God has picked Shane and I to be the parent's of this beautiful child, just like he did with Jaili. I'm truly humbled by the fact that God has allowed Shane and I to share in these 2 lives, to watch them grow, to guide them along the way and to love them with all of our heart, body and soul. I can't wait to get our daughter home, where she belongs, to finally be able to hold and love her and give her the father, mother and sister that has been waiting for her.
Seriously, I would like to throw the computer out the window at the moment. Stinkin text background keeps going to white, not matter what I do with it. GRRRRRR. It's been about 2 hours to update this thing. Frustration does not even begin to explain it!!! Going to bed, I give up. I had no problems with the old blogger. I updated it and am ready to pull my hair out everytime I use it (hence the slow updating by me) Anywho, had to vent about my lack of computer/blogger skill.