Saturday, April 10, 2010

Happy Day we have travel dates!

So we got our confirmation yesterday for our travel dates. We will be leaving on May 3rd and returning on the 23rd. Happy Day!!!! We are going to Beijing early to do the touristy stuff again (Great wall, temple of heaven, tiannamen square,etc) and then we extended our trip by 2 days to stay in Hong Kong and go to Ocean Park. I may regret this one...but oh well. We were thinking since we have to fly out of Hong Kong anyway why not do a special treat for Jaili bird and take her there?
We have our tickets purchased and are getting ready to go!!! We will fly in to Nanchang on the 9th at 2:00pm, check into our hotel and then get June by 4:00! Happy Mother's Day to me!
 I've been praying alot for June and her grieving process. I anticipate a very sad baby and my heart breaks for her already. Her little world is going to be turned upside down. Even though she can't comprehend it at this age I'm praying that God gives her peace and knowledge that we love her so much and are her parents. I'm definately stressed about how it's all going to go.  I'm so excited to be getting her and having our family together FINALLY! But  I  also feel so conflicted because she doesn't know that we are her forever parents. All she knows is that she is being taken away from her foster parents, the only people that she knows and loves. I pray that this does not stay with her, a fear of abandonment ,of being removed, for the rest of her life. I feel so grateful for this older couple that have been like grandparents to her. They have loved her and taken care of her but I also feel a loss. Loss and jealousy, that we haven't been the ones to love her since day one, that some one else has had that opportunity. I felt similarly with Jaili, of course we want to be with our children from the moment they were created, the foster family just adds a different dimension to it. Again, I'm  so thankful for them, it's just...different.
On a different note, I did have a dream about June last night. We were in the hotel and she was wearing the cutest little skirt and playing in the hotel room. She was laughing and so very happy and beautiful! I woke up feeling very warm and fuzzy after that dream.
I know in time we will all adjust and everything will be how it's supposed to be. I just pray that Shane and I are able to give June (and Jaili) everything that we can. To help them to feel confident and complete. I just always want both of them to know how much they mean to us. Nothing compares to the love that you have for your children. As I told Shane when we first got Jaili. Shane has my heart, but Jaili ( and now June) are my heart. It does help me to understand the love that Christ has for us. I still cannot fathom it but at least I have a glimpse now.

I also have a funny Jailiism. We were at church on easter and when Jaili came out of Jesus school, as she call it, she asks us "Why did God's skin fall off?" Shane and I  look at her completely confused and ask "What?" Jaili then says " Yea, today in Jesus school we learned that God died on a cross and then his skin fell off." Neither one of us had any idea what she was talking about at first. Then I started thinking of the wording in the crucifiction and resurrection and remembered it being described that Jesus left the flesh. So I asked her if that is what she meant. " She said "yea, his skin fell off." Both Shane and I started laughing and then tried explaining to her what it meant. That is a very hard concept to explain to a 4 year old. I'm shortning this story quite a bit, the entire conversation lasted probably about 15 min. Most of it consisting of Jaili insisting that God's skin fell off and Shane and I just looking really confused. Anywho, it cracked me up. I have never thought of the wording that way...Oh to have the mind of a very curious and very literal and smart 4 year old.

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