Sunday, April 04, 2010

Late in posting but we got our Article 5

So I'm late in posting this( I have a love/hate relationship with my computer)but we got our article 5 on 3/18/10!! So that means, per Holt, that we should be getting travel approval in 3-4 weeks from the 18th. So hopefully either this week or next!! Although I'm going to try and not get to excited about that, considering we've been on the long end of almost every step of the process. I'm praying that we are able to travel the first week of May to get our girl. I haven't scheduled any clients after that until June 21st (I figured that is when I'd go back to work, 2 days a week)SO if we don't go then EEKKK, no clients, no money and BORED!!!
I'm FINALLY feeling the connection with our June. I have been concerned because June's adoption journey has been so different than Jaili's. I KNEW Jaili before we even got her referral. I knew after she was born (told my husband 3 days after Jaili was born, we were laying in bed and I looked over at him and said "Our daughter's been born, I can feel her"), I knew what her SN was going to be before we got her referral, I had dreams about her, I knew what she looked like...I was deeply connected to her. The only way I can explain it is that God allowed me to know her before she was actually ours. June's hasn't been the same way and that has worried me. Maybe I wasn't a good enough mother for her because I haven't "felt" her the same way. There have been little things along the way with her. I was certain that our next daughter was going to have albinism. I had a very strong urge in August, 2 weeks after we sent in our SN list, to research albinism and add it immediatly to our list. I asked my husband how he felt and he said "I already thought it was on our list". I get feelings about her personality and the closer we get the more and more connected I feel to her. My heart crys for our missing daughter now, I'm ready for her and I just want her home.
When I told my husband how I was feeling about not being "connected" he was wonderful. He just looked at my and said " I never had any of those things with Jaili before we got her that you did and am I any less connected to her now than you?" Which , of course, he isn't! Jaili adores her daddy, as he does her. Jaili is truly the light of Shane (and my ) life. Then Shane told me, "The same things that you felt with Jaili, I feel with June, I've dreamed about her, I know which name is going to fit her (Shane did pick June's name, I picked Jaili's), I feel like God has let me know June". I'm truly in awe of how God works. It wasn't up to me nor was it about me to know our daughter. God has picked Shane and I to be the parent's of this beautiful child, just like he did with Jaili. I'm truly humbled by the fact that God has allowed Shane and I to share in these 2 lives, to watch them grow, to guide them along the way and to love them with all of our heart, body and soul. I can't wait to get our daughter home, where she belongs, to finally be able to hold and love her and give her the father, mother and sister that has been waiting for her.
Seriously, I would like to throw the computer out the window at the moment. Stinkin text background keeps going to white, not matter what I do with it. GRRRRRR. It's been about 2 hours to update this thing. Frustration does not even begin to explain it!!! Going to bed, I give up. I had no problems with the old blogger. I updated it and am ready to pull my hair out everytime I use it (hence the slow updating by me) Anywho, had to vent about my lack of computer/blogger skill.

1 comment:

Liz said...

I hear you about being on the long end of every wait! Congrats on your next step. Here's to a speedy TA.