Wednesday, June 09, 2010

2 steps forward....2 steps back or 8

Yes, I hope Paula Abdul is going through everyone else's head now also.....I take 2 steps forward, you take 2 steps back. We come together because opposites attract. Yea you know. It ain't easy it's a natural fact...blah blah blah. Oh yea and I'm totally dating myself...whatever.
So yes you guessed it" the Goat" (you may know her as Evie) took several steps back tonight. Oh I'll explain why we call her " the goat" or Goatie LaRue in a later post. Anywho, back to tonight.
I'm not even sure what or why it happened. She had a great day today! She did awesome, played with Me and Shane today quite a bit, woke up happy. Through a fit mid morning a hucked cherrios across the car but that's kind of normal for her (at this time), then at about 5:30 out of nowhere she just started first screaming at both Shane and I then it escalated beyond control. Do you know how hard it is to sit and hold an angry, fighting, upset, sad, screaming animal of an 18 month old for 2 hours?? (question is rhetorical) Oh yea 2 HOURS of this! She first refused to even look at me, then refused to touch me, then arched and howler monkey screamed to try and get away from me. We are doing holding time therapy so that was not going to happen. Then she would start to calm down then as soon as I asked her to look at momma's eyes and held her hand to touch my face the whole thing would start again. To top it off just for good measure she pinched my face, pinched my chest, pulled my hair and hit me. It was awesome!! I honestly don't know if I should laugh or cry? She is one heck of a fighter, which is cool, but for cripes sake I might lose my freakin mind!!! Thankfully tomorrow is another day, which unfortunately is the test run for me and work. Shane's mom is coming to watch Jaili and Evie tomorrow for a few hours while I go and have lunch with Shane and basically stay away from the house for about 2 hours. So wish us luck.  My heart breaks for her for about the first hour of screaming (ok maybe first 45 min.) I know that she is in pain. then after it goes on for so long I just kind of go numb. I fight to stay connected to her during these times. We are getting there. It's a long road, it's what we expected. There are times when it's definitely worse than we were prepared for but I see the smalls strides that she has been making day by day and it's so worth it.
I was able to get a couple of pictures today with no sunglasses.
Don't let the pictures fool you that girl is one heck of an angry fighter : )


"T" said...

I found when I was doing the holding thing that if I got pissed it did not work. I mean like yours M would fight me and then we would get hot and she just would not look in my eyes and I have this issue when I as the mom says you better do it by god you better do it. I run a pretty tight ship cause I dont want my kids to be one of those brats. Any way when I got to the point where I just wanted to throw her on the floor. I would look up to God tone her out completely and either pray and sing praises to Him. I Could Not have done it Without Him. And I am pretty sure that this is what He wanted me to know. He brought us on this journey and He wants us to know we need Him to do it. Now the times where I did not call out to him and I thought I was gonna just toss her out the window I just had to stop with the holding then she was all smiles cause she thought we were all done with that horible torture of looking at her mom. Funny your post title I had one very simular a year ago called 1 step forward and 10 steps back so except for the screaming when she looks at me thang(when not holding) we went through some of the same issues. Just to let you know when I hold her like a baby today just to see what happens she still does not like it and I have to sing or tickle her or she will still get weirded out. So there is still some unresolved issues or maybe she just dont like the holding thing cause of all the crap at the beginning. So I have screwed her up. So when she gets married and her husband want to hold her like a baby and she freaks he can blame me.

"T" said...

oh and thanks for MY pictures... She is so cute...